Bride:
Be direct in stating your needs.
An example. You would like him to bring you flowers. You say, “Darling, I wish you would be more romantic.” This just confuses him. He has no idea what you want. He thinks maybe he should shave more often. You cannot hint, you have to be very specific in stating what you want: “Joey, I want you to bring me flowers.”
For the bride, that is basically all there is to it.
Groom:
My friend Drew has been married over thirty years to a particularly hard to please lady. I asked him what was the secret to his long marriage: “When I come home from work, I just start apologizing.”
I would summarize my advice as: in all cases, defer to her wishes. Now this is much more difficult than it sounds, because no matter how the Bride tries to follow my advice above, what she really wants remains to the groom a mystery as elusive as why the stars shine.
When asked for your opinion, understand that this is not what she is asking. What she really is asking is for you to re-enforce her opinion.
Some examples.
You are decorating the house, so you go shopping for rugs. She asks which of two rugs you prefer. You say, “this one is nice”. That is wrong. What you should say is, “I don’t know dear, I like them both”. Then she will hint that perhaps this one is nicer. What she really means is that she prefers the other one, but wants her opinion confirmed. That is your cue to say, “no, the other one is definitely nicer”. You have made your purchase.
In general, do not go shopping with her unless your attendance is required.
Another. She tries on a dress and asks your opinion. Do not answer casually, giving your honest opinion, as this is a very dangerous situation. Suppose you hate it and you think it looks awful on her. You should say: “It looks lovely on you, but I am not sure it is right for the occasion.” Suppose you think it looks stunning on her and you want her to buy it. You should not tell her that, because if you do she will definitely not want it. You should say, “I’m not sure, what do you think?
Around the house, you think you are doing your share. You would say you do “half”. However, you do not know what half is unless you know the whole. Do everything for a few weeks- cleaning, grocery shopping, meal planning, cooking, all the diaper changes and all the bed times. Then you will know what half is.
Finally, to both of you:
I know you are both dedicated to your careers and work very hard. I might even say that you have a tendency to work too hard. You must learn to find time to put work aside. When going on vacation, do not bring your laptops. And most importantly, when you have children, you cannot spend enough time with them. Whatever time you lose to you career you can always get back later. Time you do not spend now with your child you can never get back. There is nothing more important.
So I ask us gathered here to toast the bride and groom, may you have a long and happy marriage!
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